Him: But why? Why don’t you just NOT do that?
Oh my god, I don’t even know where to start. The only thing that remains of my Catholic upbringing is the guilt. There’s the guilt about being a burden or impediment to strangers, the guilt about not extending that same courtesy to friends, the guilt I feel about all of the fucking guilt I feel. Bizarrely, I don’t feel guilt about not believing in god. I’m not sure why that is- perhaps because the god I presented, underneath all of the bullshit, seemed to understand our need to question. It was the all of the people TEACHING me about god that wanted me to feel guilty about every fucking thing. The guilt doesn’t go away, it’s so interwoven into the fabric of my being, and I think it makes me be a better person to other people, and a worse person to myself.
I’ll see your Catholic guilt and raise you self-loathing and self-hatred with ongoing doubt.
Check or call?
I would call, but I don’t feel my hand is worthy of the attention.